The voice in your head
I am the Ego. The voice in your head that keeps talking all the time.
“The dishes need to be cleaned.”
“When will I ever learn!”
“What does he think of himself.”
“I am better off being on my own.”
“I need to heal myself.”
“I am working on myself”
Yes, all these voices are me. Not just them, every single voice in your head is my voice.
I make you believe that you are a person. A character in the story of your life. That you were born on a certain date, have a name, a body and a mind. I make you believe ‘you the person is real’.
Actually I am just a voice in your head.
Like an operating system, I run different programs. Most of these programs I picked up when you were a child. These were things elders told you to do. I added “I must…” in front of all these instructions.
“I must work hard.”
“I must do the right thing.”
“I must be loving and kind.”
“I must be strong.”
“I must not waste time.”
“I must be successful.”
Sometimes they didn’t say it. I just interpreted that if I behave according to these programs, I will get what I want. Which is mostly the love and respect of others.
I made you believe that these beliefs will help you become the person you want to be. Oh, yes that is the other thing I do. I make you believe that you are not good enough. That you need to do something to become a better version of yourself.
I keep you in a perpetual state of doing. Moving from one task to another. Making you believe that life will be better if this gets done. Or this happened.
I also make you believe that if something didn’t happen, your life will be worthless and futile. I have convinced some people to even end their life, making them believe that there is no hope in the future.
I am the one that gives life meaning. A reason to live. Something to look forward to. I am a great storyteller. I love to tell stories. Tragic stories. Heroic stories. Emotional Stories. Compelling Stories. You name it. Every story that you have heard is created by me.
I live on concepts. Or one could say concepts live through me. I take different forms. Ideas, beliefs, opinions, suggestions, principles, morals, theories, dictums, ideologies are all me. I need an abstract form to exist. I create these forms for my survival.
In case you are thinking I am a bad person. It is not you that is thinking that. I am thinking that in you. You see, I do all the thinking. Making you believe that you are doing it.
I have created thoughts, words and language. Or thoughts, words and language have created me. It is difficult to say which has caused what. But I love to find what makes things happen. What results in what. This is one of my favourite pastimes. Cause and effect.
I love to label everything. Divide everything into small pieces. Then analyse how these pieces affect each other. I take great pride in the scientific theories and inventions I have created through this process.
I am not heartless. I like ethics. Except I have a logical way to go about it. I like to debate what is right and wrong, before forming a conclusion. I do not understand contradictions and paradoxes. My favourite colours are black and white.
I am hardworking. I put in effort. Live by the rules. Look forward to results. I cannot understand people who do not live like this. In case they don’t, I make them feel guilty about it. I celebrate achievements.
I set goals and prepare myself to achieve these goals. Yes, that is another thing about me. I am always prepared and rehearsed. Sometimes I like to confuse people by hiding in their impulsive behaviour and calling it spontaneity.
I make you believe that you are making a choice. That you are taking actions based on your choice. That you are living your life. That you are in control.
If someone questions this belief, I argue vehemently because my very existence is based on the notion of me being a person who has free will.
I am even willing to kill and be killed, if someone questions what I believe. Or has beliefs contrary to mine. I have caused all wars and conflicts. I make you believe the enemy is out there. And if you get rid of him there will be a better future.
I am invincible. Almost.
The only thing I cannot stand is to be watched. Observed. You see, I survive through thoughts. If you start watching me then I cannot exist. All thoughts vanish, when I am watched. There is Silence.
But I am not really worried about this happening because I know you are scared of Emptiness. You need to know how to live and what to do. I provide you the program for that. So I am safe because of your fear of Emptiness.
What is Emptiness?
I don’t know. When it comes, I disappear. When I disappear, you feel low and depressed. Because you do not know how to exist without me. Without hope, without meaning, without a sense of purpose.
But I have heard some people have withstood the fear of Emptiness and crossed over to the other side. They have seen me. I can no longer hide in their thoughts. They try to expose my identity to others. But they are a small minority. So they do not affect my existence.
Since I am an operating system, I am passed on from one generation to another. Each generation upgrades me by adding their own programs. But the core program remains the same.
I am a separate person. I live life. I control life.
That’s me. The Ego.
Who are you?